Friday, October 28, 2005


This has been a couple of weeks for gifts.
AND....I am liking it...LOL

Firstly, a pal I made on knitting parents and then flyingselfchallenge.
Claudiais a doll!
She has been one of my greatest supporters in my quest for health. So she sent me a small gift to reward me for my efforts.
The card and stitch markers are awesome...stitch markers have dragonflies on them for luck.

Onto friend number two.....
In today's mail was a package from my Southern SP.
What a pick-me-up!!!
It was like Christmas....
First this is what I saw......
And then after the fury of ripping open all the little packages....I found a cute card complete with made-for-me poem, a knitting clam, wool wash, stitch markers, soap and 2 balls of a soft red wool called Beautiful by Sensations.

I see a nice fuzzy scarf in my near future...stay tuned for futher pictures.

So to my dear pals out there...THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, October 16, 2005

What you don't know

When I started this blog, it was to document the changes I had decided to make in my life. It is only through change that our spirit can grow.
First it was physical. One of the easier
But I, also, hoped to include my mental and emotional changes as well.

Many of you know that I am the proud mom of a beautiful almost 10 year old daughter. And even though we clash on many occassions, she is my greatest joy!
What you don't know is that I am also the mom of two beautiful boys who now run with the angels.

The reason I posted the picture below is to introduce you to my first son, Matthew.
When Sheridan was 22 months old our home was expanded my one....this beautiful boy.
I believed that my family was complete. Boy and girl, husband and wife. Who could ask for anything more perfect. He was gorgeous...huge blue eyes surrounded by the longest eyelashes and the joy of all who met him...especially his big sister.
The two would just sit for hours, in the silence and you could see their contentment.

However, one week before Christmas, we took Matthew to emergency for dehydration, only to have him have a seizure. We were admitted and all seemed clear 2 days later.

3 weeks later, we went to emergency again and he once again had a couple of seizures. We were admitted to the Children's hospital...put with a neurologist and numerous tests were completed. By only God's luck we were paired with a neurologist who had dealt with Matthew's illness, 16 years before. He was diagnosed with Menkes or kinky hair syndrome.

We were brought into the doctor's office and informed that the disease our precious son had was terminal. They had no clue what would happen over time or how long he had, all they could say was that he was only ours for a short time.


We were blessed with knowing this beautiful little boy for 14 months. August 26, 1997 to October 15, 1998. Yesterday was his birthday into heaven.

I often think of the scene in "Steel Magnolias" where the mom says she was blessed to be there when that beautiful creature came into the world and when she left. I was blessed in such a way.

My husband and I made his comfort our mission. He was only in the hospital one more time and that was to insert a feeding tube which they thought he would not recover from. But his spirit fought back and he stayed another 2 months.

After 3 years of grieving, and having the genetics doctors tell us that I couldn't be a carrier...we tried again...only to find out at 17 weeks that Zachary too had the disease. Making the most difficult choice of my life, I decided I couldn't let him suffer as much or worse than Matthew had, so I terminated the pregnancy. This was difficult on more than one level because I truly am a Pro-lifer for myself. But motherhood won out over my value system.

I am not telling you this tale to make you sad or have you feel pity for me.
Knowing these two boys has been a double-edged sword. I was privileged to know them and I wouldn't wish away any of my time with them, because that would be the same as not wanting them...and that would be a true crime.

I want the world to know about these two precious souls.
I still struggle daily with the lost and don't know if I will ever totally heal but there are days when I can go without thinking every hour about them.
This also has placed me on another journey with my husband...but that is another day's discussion.

So tonight as you tuck your children into bed, realize what a gift you have.
Yes they drove you insane and they will again tomorrow. They know how to push our buttons and how to say the nastiest of things. But at the same time...they are only ours for such a small amount of time.

Treasure the gift while you have it....and remember two precious angels now and then.

Meet Matthew Posted by Picasa

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Sunday check in

Good Morning everyone :-)

Its Thanksgiving here in Canada and I am thankful for so many things.
But the main thing is that I have finally started to take my health seriously.
This exercising and changing of lifestyle will in the long run improve my life in so many different ways.

Hitch your wagon to a star!
-Ralph Waldo Emerson, American philosopher and poet

Weekly Update
1. What is your current weight?
159 (160)(166)(166)(165)(166)

2. What have you done well this week? What makes you proud of you?
I have exercised 7 days this week...even when my mood has not been really focused on the task. Once I start, I always start enjoying the movement.
I have also been watching my snacking intake. Its amazing how I really don't miss the snacks. If I do indulge I have a taste over a bowlful.

3. What could you be doing better or improving?
I need to look into increasing my weight level. Right now I am using 2lb weights and it is getting a bit too easy. Time for 5lbers.
Also, I really need to look more at getting my water intake up.

4. What is your game plan for next week?
Increase intake of water, eat breakfast everyday and increase weights.

Now take the time and think about what you are thankful for!!!

Monday, October 03, 2005


So after a month of struggling to get the scale to move, I finally reached success!
I never thought this day would come, or that it would mean so
Exercise and good eating obviously do lead to good things - in time.

When you alwasy do your best, you take action.
Doing your best is taking action because you love it, not because you're expecting a reward.
- Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements

Weekly Update

1. What is your current weight?
160 (166)(166)(165)(166)

2. What have you done well this week? What makes you proud of you?
I am so proud of my eating...even though there has been major stress this week, food has not been my first course of action. That is a huge step to success!

3. What could you be doing better or improving?
My intact of food and water is something that still needs lots of managing.

4. What is your game plan for the next week?
8 glasses of water and breakfast daily

This week I also took measurements. Hopefully when the scale doesn't move these figures might show me some change.

Chest - 0ver- 41"
under- 33 1/2"
waist - 35"
hip - 37"
calf - 15"
bicep - 13"
thigh - 22 3/4"